Conversation Starters for People Who Don’t Like Networking at Conferences

Picture this: You’re walking into the event space for a conference. You’re looking forward to hearing the speakers and what you might learn today. As you find the room you’re supposed to be in, you stop at a table just inside the doorway. The person asks your name and invites you to fill out a name tag as she checks you off her list.

You put the name tag on the outside of your blazer and look around the room. The event hasn’t formally begun, and you see a few familiar faces, but most are those of people you’ve never met. You stop by the drink table and get a cup of coffee. You turn around, take a breath and wonder where to start.

As the scene was set, if you, at any point, started to feel a bit of dread creep in, you might not love networking while at conferences. It’s understandable – activities in which you often don’t know many (or even any) of the people in attendance can be intimidating. If you’re more introverted, networking can be even more anxiety-inducing.

Why Does Networking FEel So Difficult?

Wherever you land on the scale in terms of how extroverted you are, networking can leave you fraught with feelings of being uncomfortable, self-conscious or even dread. Small talk with strangers can often feel contrived. You might spend much of the time faking your excitement or interest in what people are saying because the conversation is forced.

Part of the problem lies with what you’re talking about. It’s natural to think you should ask people about their careers, companies, roles, goals – anything remotely professional. And while that kind of information is valuable in a setting such as this, they don’t always start the most interesting conversations.

Starting The Conversation

As a self-proclaimed ambivert (if you’re unfamiliar, it’s a term that means someone who straddles the line of introvert and extrovert), I survive but don’t necessarily thrive at networking events. Walking into a room comprised entirely of people I don’t know is nightmare material for me, but I’ve been known to do it.

The most intimidating part for me is starting the conversation. While I much prefer being approached by someone, even if they’re not the first to speak, that’s not always the situation. Two ways to start finding someone to talk to are:

• Looking for someone who is sitting or standing alone
• Joining a group that is already talking to one another

If you approached the person who is alone, start by introducing yourself. Hopefully, they’ll reciprocate (if not, you might want to move along). Then, ask them something – it could be almost anything socially appropriate. Some examples include:

•  “Are you from (insert your city here), or are you visiting?”
•  “This place seems cool, have you been here before?”
• “How did you hear about this conference?”
• If you freeze, try being honest: “These events usually make me feel nervous. What about you?”

However, the saying goes “Never talk about politics or religion at the dinner table,” and that’s still true here. But as someone who knows better and still often finds herself asking, “Why on Earth did I just say that?” there are a few more topics to steer clear of:

• Their appearance – there are SO MANY ways this could go wrong, and unless they ask, you shouldn’t comment on someone else’s appearance anyway.
• Family life – let them volunteer this information first, but also know that some questions in this area are always too personal and should be avoided
• Sports – this could go either way, but for some, this could end up being similar to asking about their political affiliations
• Money – especially for women, talking about money and salaries is critical to making sure you’re being compensated appropriately at work. However, this is not a question right out of the gate to someone you just met.
• Age – maybe just don’t.

Making A Connection

Once you’re in the conversation, this is your opportunity to get away from the small talk and really get to know them. While many of the off-limit talking points still stand, try asking them something that will light them up. You can even include how you would answer the question – sometimes, offering the information first encourages their interest. You can try some of these:

•  “What do you enjoy doing when you have some free time?”
•  “Do you have a favorite show you keep up with? Mine is (your favorite TV show here).”
• “Have you learned anything new or cool recently?”
• “What session/speaker/workshop are you looking forward to most?”
•  “I love the song they’re playing. What’s your favorite artist or band?”
•  “Are you doing anything or going anywhere soon that you’re really excited about?”

The first (or maybe even second or third) question you ask might not be a winner, but how people respond can often help you. If you ask someone what they like to do when they’re not at work, and they list a few things that include liking to read, you can ask them what their favorite genre is or the best book they’ve read recently. This can also help you when it comes to turning the conversation professional without outright asking them what they do for a living.

Struggling Less

Even the most natural small-talkers can struggle to network at conferences. And while it may be uncomfortable, remember that most people are there for the same reason – to make new connections and learn new things. So asking someone questions about themselves as a whole person, rather than who they are only as a professional person, can help lead to authentic and meaningful conversations.

And maybe next time you have to go to another conference, there will be one more familiar face in the room.

Ready to take the next step? Register for Illuminate 2024 today. It isn’t just another conference—it’s a community, a movement, and an opportunity to connect in ways that are meaningful and lasting.

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